It’s hard not to take things personally when someone says or does something that feels like an attack, a judgment, or even a rejection. It stings, and our immediate reaction is often to feel offended. But here’s the thing: getting offended is something we do—it’s not something that happens to us.

Yes, people say and do things, but ultimately, we decide how we react. The good news? That means we have the power to choose whether or not we let something offend us. But don’t worry, this isn’t just about telling yourself, “Don’t get offended.” I’m going to walk you through exactly how to stop taking things so personally. After all, we can’t control what others do, but we can control how we respond.

Step 1: Consider Intent vs. Impact

Before you react, ask yourself,  Did this person actually mean to offend me?  Sometimes, people have different communication styles, poor social skills, or they simply didn’t think before they spoke. Just because something feels like an attack doesn’t mean it was intended as one. Taking a moment to step back and assess the situation can save you from unnecessary hurt.

Step 2: Practice Emotional Regulation

There’s a gap between what someone says and how we react. That space is where emotional regulation comes in. The next time you feel that rush of offense, tune into your body. Do you feel tightness in your throat? A sinking feeling in your stomach? Heat in your face? These physical sensations are signals that your emotions are being triggered.

Instead of reacting immediately, pause. Take a breath. Step away if needed. Maybe take a short walk or spend a few minutes practicing mindfulness. The more you do this, the more you train your brain to pause before reacting. Over time, this will become second nature.

Step 3: Look Inward

Ask yourself,  Why did this bother me so much?  Often, when we get offended, it’s because the comment or action hit a deeper insecurity. For example, if someone makes a joke about your job and you feel defensive, it might be because you’re already doubting your own skills. If a declined invitation makes you feel unworthy, it may point to underlying self-esteem struggles.

Instead of just reacting, use these moments as opportunities for self-reflection. What is this situation revealing about your deeper fears or insecurities?

Step 4: Don’t Assume the Worst

It’s easy to assume that people are being intentionally rude, dismissive, or hurtful. But in reality, everyone has their own struggles. Maybe your coworker snapped at you not because they dislike you, but because they had a stressful morning. Maybe that short text message from a friend wasn’t meant to be cold—they were just in a rush.

Rather than jumping to conclusions, try considering alternative explanations. People’s moods, communication styles, and personal challenges influence how they act. More often than not, their actions have nothing to do with you.

Step 5: Get Curious Instead of Defensive

Instead of reacting with frustration, try responding with curiosity. If someone’s words feel offensive, ask them, “What did you mean by that?” or “Can you clarify?”  You might find that their intent wasn’t what you assumed. This approach also gives the other person a chance to adjust their words or recognize how they came across.

A friend once snapped at me, and instead of getting defensive, I calmly said, “Hey, I’m your friend, and that wasn’t very nice.”  She immediately realized she was taking out her stress on me and apologized. That moment shifted our conversation in a much more positive direction.

Step 6: Bless and Release

At the end of the day, we can’t control how people act, but we can control what we take on. Some people are going through things we can’t see, and their reactions might have nothing to do with us. When faced with negativity, remind yourself: This isn’t mine to carry.

Instead of letting their words or actions weigh you down, let them roll off your back. Bless them for whatever they’re going through, and release yourself from taking it personally.

Final Thoughts

The more you practice emotional regulation and self-reflection, the easier it becomes to stop getting offended so easily. With time, you’ll find yourself feeling lighter, more in control, and far less affected by what others say or do.

And if you need a tool to help with this, try mindfulness exercises. Taking just 10 minutes to breathe and ground yourself can make a huge difference in rewiring your reactions over time.

Remember: You are in control of your emotions. Take good care of yourself, and don’t let someone else’s words dictate your peace.

Until next time, be kind to yourself and to those around you.

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